I don’t wanna have to
Spark the fire on my own
I don’t want the bad
That always turns me on
I want to want you
And all your light
But for some reason
The evil seems more worth the fight.
It was all the sugar
You put inside my coffee
And the way you burnt
Every piece of my toast
And I kept scrapping away
All the black till there was nothing left
I didn’t mean anything by it
I didn’t mean to throw you out with the trash
i cant stop craving bones
black coffe and ink
staining my lips
i tried hard to remember
who was i before
who was i before i wasnt anymore.
how do you save
yourself
from something that
is poisoning you
when that something
is your mind
I think the hardest part
Of healing
Was you
Telling me I amazed you
When I was my sickest
How I was beautiful
When I was my unhealthiest
That I had so much to offer
When I was my emptiest
The hardest part of healing was you
Because you had loved me into
The broken little pieces
I was
There is
a spot in my side
right under my ribs
and it aches
all day
all night
it aches for
you.
People are so disappointing.
I’m mad
And hurt
And I blame you for why I
Drink so much tonight
when did i become her
i went out tonight for dinner.
i usually dont on the weekdays because i have
A set bed time…i made for myself.
at some point i did this and didnt realize it was so serious.
my hands were sweating and
i kept looking at my watch and getting more nervous as time went on.
all i could think was about getting home on time.
nothing was going on and i didnt have any pressing matters to deal with
i just HAD to be home because it was a weekday and thats were i was supposed to be. In my bed, t.v. on, desk light on, water on my night stand, sleeping pills swallowed, and my 3 alarms set.
i felt awkward and uncomfortable at the eagerness to return to nothing from a night at dinner with friends and the panic i felt in not returning in a timely manner.
i wish i had the motivation
to do all the things that voice in my head
tells me to do. All the things that would mean
i was living. Instead of just simply existing. I wish i wasnt
so damn tired all the time. I guess it takes it out of you beating
yourself down everyday. Maybe if i loved myself just a little more
id have something in this life i loath to truly, and unmistakably live for.
